Late Night Painting

Just sitting here at my desk, that is real need of cleaning. You know me, always procrastinating. I will get to it later I promise. Thinking about how much my life has changed in the last few months. Since I decided to use my income tax return on something, I have been wanting to do for years. I first paid off my debts and signed up for a digital painting class, to learn how to use my tablet I bought about a year ago.

I also decided to focus on myself, and learn a few things about myself. I decided to take my interests to a new level, instead of just playing video games. Mainly World of Warcraft, I love the game but I think I was getting bored. I can’t seem to want to log into and play the game, so I am taking a break. Well, without WOW, I find I have a lot of free time on my hands, I have had more meaningful conversations with my friends and loved ones. I have been enjoyed my art, and look forward to going to classes. Getting out of the house and doing something with my time.

Last night, I was watching yet another of my favourite streamers, and watching him paint and talk to his community, and I found myself wanting to paint too. So I gathered my watercolours and started painting. It was around 11 pm at night, and the house was dark and quiet. I found myself drawing with a pencil and relaxing like never before. Laughing with my new found friends, and enjoying the chit chat. I found myself reflecting on being alone, and feeling ready to start dating again. I think I was missing my mom too because I was drawing a frog and her baby. I was thinking, of what my mom would say about how I look at finding new love in my life. and after hearing about how jaded, I have been feeling towards men at times. She would remind me that, not all men are the same and I have to be open to meeting new people. My prince is out there.

Well, after my last relationship, which I was very happy with I have to add. Ended so suddenly, I took a while to grieve. I liked that guy, I was enjoying the slow quiet pace we were moving in. At the time of our breakup, he explained himself completely and was through in all my questions. I can’t even be mad at him for it, I think being told the truth although hard to hear was the kindest thing to do when your relationship is over. No mean words, just plain honestly. There should be more wonderful people out there like him. I do miss him dearly.

On that note, I think that my new relationship will be new, and be way different from the last. I think people grow and change with the partners they were with and at one time loved. Why should I be no different? So I looked at phone apps and was going to download something. the first app, Tinder. I hate Tinder, so much. The men there are either married or just looking for something. I find it very upsetting talking to men there. I am sick of being asked about my sexual interests or my body type. I want to be talked to, and see if we have things in common or not. Can we talk to each other? I am currently on the Facebook dating app again and started talking to someone new. I am scared to death. he seems nice so far. Let’s see. Wish me luck.

It was around 1 30 am when I finally wrapped up my painting, I was taking photos of my desk and the picture when I stopped and took a breath. You know it was calming, and reflective on how life is so much better for me now. My kids are grown, I am relatively healthy. ( I could lose some weight eat better.. blah blah blah. ) I have a roof over my head. I have money, and the freedom to paint late at night if I want to. Life to me has never been about what I need or want is about having what I do have and enjoying it. I sometimes forget this and get jealous of people, owning cars, houses being happily married etc. But I am happy, I am safe, and my life is good. So these feelings of wanted a special someone, and being alone isn’t so bad really. It is so human of me. I have a good support group and people who love me. I just wish that everyone was as lucky as me.