Grandma 2 Be Is Me

Grandma 2 Be Is Me

I was feeling a bit lonely last week, with COVID and living alone. My daughter heard my need and asked me to come over for dinner, later that week. So on Saturday, October 10th, I showed up for dinner all breathless and excited to see my dear pregnant daughter Raisa and her fiance, Tom. When I arrived my daughter pointed to a mug on the shelf by the door. It was a new mug, that she thought I would love. It is displayed on my desk, in my feature photo.

Drinking Tea in it now. It is a bit early to see what type of a grandma I will be, but after reading this mug, I guess my daughter knows I will do alright. She told me, that she thought I would love this mug and she was right. I really do. It is my favourite colour, it the best shape for tea.

Proud Parents to be Raisa and Tom.

I love this photo. It shows me the great bond that they have and the love they have for each other. Tom and Raisa will be great parents. I totally adore Tom, and after meeting his family last Christmas I see that he is a good man, who comes from a loving family and will be a wonderful life partner for my daughter. I love how they communicate with each other about things when they crop up and solve them. Tom is a patient man, and I really like that about him. Weird fact, the women on my side of the family can be quite a handful.

I already knew my daughter was having a baby ’cause she told me so months ago. She asked me to keep it a secret until she was ready to share her new with the rest of the family. When my daughter told me I was a grandmother to be, a few nights before, and I, of course, started to worry.

What a happy hard secret to keep quiet, so I had to tell my best friend Ricardo, but that is the only one I told. I knew he could keep a secret better than I could. I am currently, not working and have very little money. Which means, I can’t run out and buy a new crib, paraphernalia for my future grandbaby. I will, but not in the amount I would like too.

When I called Ricardo I was in tears, saying something like I am going to be a bad grandma, I have nothing to give the new baby. He just laughed and said something like, “Rachel, you are going to be an awesome grandma.” and with a knowing tone he added “You are going to love the baby to pieces. ” he is so right. I already do, and I haven’t met him/her yet.

Young Mom, holding Raisa.
1991-05-16 – me holding Raisa as a young mom.

It feels, not too long ago that I had my own baby to hold, I remember holding her the first time, thinking “I never loved anything this much.” I actually thought, that “I would die for this baby if I had too. ” Raisa was my world and I wait to see her holding her own baby too.

Old family photos I had to share

I also can’t wait to see the next generation photos like these ones too. Gord and I were so proud parents, I can’t remember a happier time. Raisa is going to be a great mother , she is already an awesome big sister to her younger siblings featured here in the Grandparents photos below.

Raisa , Devin Grandma Steadman and Sarah in 1997
Big Sister Raisa, Devin Grandma Steadman, and Sarah. 1997
Devin, big Sister Raisa, GrandPa Steadman, and Sarah 1997
Grandma Benoist - holding Raisa on her 2nd Birthday.

When I think Grandma Benoist my heart breaks a little more. My mom passed away in Janurary 2015. I know she would be completely over the moon with the thought of being a great greatmother. I know she would be on the phone calling almost everyone she knew all about it. Pictures of Grandpa Benoist here.

The story of telling my mother I was pregnant with her, always makes me smile. It is a long story and one day, I will vlog it. Here is the skinny. I waited all day to tell my husband, I wanted him to be first. (but my boss was..shh.. long story. )

It was quite late at night when I called my mom. So she was sleeping when I told her. Mom was trying to get over the many fights I have had with my husband until then. She was a hard time understanding the choices I have made at that point in my life. Therefore, I was a bit scared to tell her.

Gord, Raisa’s dad knew how close I was to my mother and knew I would not sleep and worry all night if I didn’t tell her. So I picked up the phone and held my breath to tell her. The phone rang and I said. “Mom, I went to the doctors yesterday and had a pregnancy test done. Today, I found it was positive. ” Mom yawned and said, “Well. Rachel, that is great news. I am going back to sleep now. ” and she hung up on me.

I was so happy, I was worried that she would lecture me about my choices in life, and my no-good husband. (She later grew to appreciate him. I swear.) Needless to say, I slept well that night. Until…

the next morning when I was at work at CAA Toronto, my job was to answer the phones and answer people’s questions the products CAA was offering. So when I heard. “You little brat….” in my mom’s voice, I went cold. I didn’t know what to say. Mom continued with, “Did you think I would have yelled at you?? I might have, but.. she paused and took a long drag on her cigarette. ” I just want you to know that I am so happy, so thrilled. You are my daughter and I am going to be a grandma! I am so happy and excited. ” (sobbing as I write this.)

At my parent’s home, later while having a cup of tea with my parents, my father told me his version of what happened that night. The phone rang, mom murmured something into the phone, and then hung it up. A few seconds later, she bolted up out of bed and said, “I am gonna kill her”. Dad said he spent the next hour or so calming down mom, and begging her not to call me angry. I can still laugh, at this, you see I know my mother and I could see her doing that almost like I was there. Poor Dad.

Raisa, is a wonderful big sister to her siblings. I can’t tell you how many times, I listened through a door, or over heard phone calls with her younger siblings, advising them on how to handle the problems that can’t talk to mom about. She has always, be a down to earth kinda girl. I like to think she got a little of that from me. She has a huge heart and is the younger prettier verison of her mother. I call her mini me. When I was a little girl, I used to flatten my curly hair and think, if my hair was straight I would look so pretty. Little did I know that my 1st baby would get my wish. My gorgeous, intelligent daughter.

I could gush about my daughter, how smart and intelligent and loving she is, but that would take several blog posts. I hope the baby will get all the wonderful qualities that our beloved family has. She comes from a long line of powerful and resourceful women. She has got this down pat.

This forces me to remember that, is true for myself as well, but somehow, I forget sometimes. Only time will tell if I will be the “Best Grandma <3 (ever)”. But according to my this mug, that my daughter has faith I will be. I know it. I have the mug to prove it.

Thank you Raisa. <3 I love you.


  1. Sweet story, very well written. I noticed you used the pronoun she. Is it to be a girl. Congratulations. 😇😇😇

  2. @kira – She doesn’t know the sex of the baby yet! She will find out soon. Thank you for the compliments. I am so excited to be a grandma!

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