Remembering Mom

grief and butterflies

A dear friend of mine lost her father just recently.  I tried to comfort my dear friend, it was hard to watch someone go through what I only experienced just a year ago.  The pain of the loss of losing one of the most important people in your life.  As I listened to her worries about how she treated her father and the things she might regret and as the tears swelled in her eyes.   I tried to comfort her with words that somehow got me through my own big loss.  Things like, ‘ I am sure your father loved you. ‘, and ‘He knows how much your relationship meant to him.’,  ‘There is no wrong way to grieve.’ and a few others.  I really meant them from the bottom of my heart. It sort of hurt me to see my friend this way.  I just wanted to wrap her up in my arms and let her cry.  I have been there, and that is all I wanted when my dear mother passed away.  I just wanted that freak-en huge hole in my heart to go away.   A hug was all I wanted and needed at that time.

Well, I was up late at night and I was thinking about a shared laugh, I had with my mother, and I still smile when I think about it.  This one particular.  I was up spending time with my parents a year before she passed away.  Mom wasn’t feeling that great, so I was trying to keep her full of tea, keep her company, and be a bit of distraction for her.  My intention was also give my father who was a full-time caregiver a bit of break.  This story happened around lunch time and I just called my dad in for lunch.  One of the things about my mom is that always had her meals and at the same time, and tried to make sure my dad ate with her too.  It drove  him nuts, with the constant nagging, but it was her way of loving the man, he would just had to learn to live with it.

My father is a very intelligent man, he is always learning and doing something interesting.  He always pursuing something new to keep his mind busy and engaged.  Well, this afternoon dad was working on a new table saw that was not cutting wood, in a straight lines.This was driving him nuts, so his goal was to fix it.  Dad came in earlier in the morning pretty upset with it, and he spent most of the morning trying to fix it.  So he still quite annoyed with it when I called him for lunch.   When dad got into the house, I retreated to the other room to eat my lunch and played on the computer, While mom and dad talked about .. who knows old people stuff…  Anyways.. I could hear my father talking about it being off my 3 and 3/4 inches… how something on the table saw of off my that amount and it just needed a slight adjustment.  He was quite animated about it.  She was looking at his face and smiling the whole time, she really loved her husband it was obvious by how her eyes shined when she smiled.  Meanwhile, I could tell she really didn’t understand what he was talking about.  I used to get the same look when I was talking about World of Warcraft or some other thing that made me happy.

Well, Dad was talking so fast and she looked at him and said ‘Wow, only 3 and 3/4 inches, that must have been annoying.’  He lit up like a light bulb, and said ” Yes, Donna is ” then he whistled a bit and put their dishes in the sink and went back to his shop.   I came out of the office to rejoin my mother.  She was looking at her computer, Facebook was her addiction as is mine.  I said to her mom… did you understand anything dad was talking about?  She said not a clue.  I looked at her sideways and said what was the line about  3 and 3/4 inches about.  She said with Dad she figured out years ago if you repeat back the same thing he said more than once, he believes she understands.

OMG! I laughed my head off.  Mom was giggling like a little girl too.  Mom, I miss your sense of humour and I love you for instilling it in me. I miss you, so much, mom.

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