Yahoo 360 Blog – Part 3 Reflections

Rachel's Smiling Mug
Just a selfie of me with light makeup on and my favourite orange fall scarf. One of my favourite things.

Reading over my old blogs, there are tons of questions and very little answers.  During that time of my life, I felt totally alone and lost.  I cling to the hope that my life would get better and my anxiety would go away.  I desperately wanted to know that my mental health would improve and I would get my old life back. Unbeknownst to me, it will never be the same.

I wanted to blog about my feelings, put them out into the world and see what others thought, instead of holding it all inside and being brave.  Well, I am not that brave.  I think to post my feelings after the fact is sad really.  I was just tired of bottling up my feelings and trying to figure them out myself.  I think really that is why I get so sick with anxiety and worry.  Hence this blog.  Trying to share more with the world, after it has given me so much.  

I live with Anxiety to this day, I feel pain all the time.  I sometimes can’t breathe, or hold even a pencil or type on my computer.  Most days, I spend fighting off the negative thoughts that I know aren’t true, and sleeping to get away from them.  I try to be happy but it is a struggle, and I deal with it the best I can.  I will write more about it later.

I talked about a job, I had for a short 6 months, it was not a good job for me.   I was let go, I am sure it was because of personality differences and budget.  Rushing back to work after a difficult experience as I had wasn’t a good idea,  I needed time to heal and recover.   I gave all I had to the organization, and at that time I was running at 40 percent I am sure.  I did my best and for that, I am proud of the work I did.

I will forever be grateful to Mark, my children and my dear friends… for a time in my life that I really didn’t wish I experienced.  I think Mark, although, our fighting, and was a growing pain, I had to experience.  Thinking about how much I needed him, and how much he tried.  I am happy with the time we had together, and I will always have fond memories.  I am looking forward to meeting someone new and falling in love all over again.  I would like to think that Mark is happy, and found someone nice to fall in love with.  I wish him all the happiness in the world.

My blogs are always written at night when I am quiet and full of reflection.  I will write more about the more interesting thoughts, I have in the future. Unlike this one, they will not always be so vague.  I am still dealing with this stuff, and although it is old, it still feels fresh.  Time to move on, I think.  More than 10 years later seems like a good time. Ya think?

360 Yahoo Blog Found

 Part 1  – Part 2 – Part 3 Reflections

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